You know you're getting old when......

You get a copy of your abdominal ultrasound and you're happy all they found was a gall bladder packed full of stones:)

Exam: US Abdomen Complete

Clinical History: Intermittent abdominal pain

Comparison: None.

Findings: The liver was mildly hyperechoic diffusely consistent with mild fatty infiltration (Thank you 14 years of dollar pitchers at the Up & Up, $3 pitchers of PBR at the Beave, Happy Hour on the deck of Ray's Boathouse, countless nights at Dad Watson's, weekends, BBQ's, cabin trips, and various other celebrations.....thank you for infiltrating my liver). Appearance of the liver was otherwise unremarkable without focal mass or intrahepatic biliary dilatation seen ("unremarkable" is a good thing for this over-achiever!). The common bile duct was normal in caliber with maximum measured diameter of 4.7mm. (Wait for it....wait for it.....) The gallbladder was filled with echogenic foci with posterior acoustic shadowing consistent with gallstones (Or as the ultrasound technician commented...."that thing is packed full o'stones!) The gallbladder was otherwise normal in appearance without gallbladder wall thickening, pericholecystic fluid, or sonographic Murphy's sign.

Appearance of the visualized portions of the pancreas was normal (thank you jebus).

The right kidney measured 10.7cm in length and the left kidney 10.8cm. No shadowing stones or hydronephrosis was seen in either kidney (woooooorrrrddddd!!!).

The spleen was normal in size with a maximum measured dimension of 9.3cm. It was normal in echotexture (woot!! woot!!).

The abdominal aorta was normal in size in its visualized segments with a maximum measured diameter of 1.9cm (can I get a hell yes?!?).

The inferior vena cava was patent (no idea was patent means, I assume it moonlights as "unremarkable"). There was normal direction of flow in the portal vein.

Impression: 1. Cholelithiasis (the presence or formation of gallstones in the gallbladder or bile ducts) without other ultrasound evidence of cholecystitis (inflammation of the gallbladder).

Soooooo.......I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Next stop: First Hill Surgeons. This rock tumbler is comin' out! I don't have the surgical consult until early April, and I'm not even sure they will take it out, I'm just checking out my options.

Some of you may be wondering WTF Jess? How come you've never told anyone you've had intermittent abdominal pain? Good question. Here's the reader's digest version of what has been going on...... about 10 years ago I had my first episode of biliary colic (severe abdominal pain, often caused by spasm, obstruction, or distention of any of the hollow viscera, such as the intestines). And after that I didn't have another episode for 6 or 7 years. Then a few years ago I had a couple episodes. An "episode" lasts roughly an hour or more, and is characterized by severe abdominal pain, the likes of which you never want to experience again unless you're birthing a child, and you can't get in to a comfortable position no matter how you contort your body. I would describe this discomfort as absolutely crippling. Anyway, I've had a couple more episodes over the past year and I figured it was time to do something serious about it, i.e. involve trained medical professionals. So that is where I'm at. I've got a gallbladder packed full o'stones. I'm not losing sleep over it, just looking forward to getting the situation resolved in the near-ish future.

Let's tally this up here:
Benign lump in left breast: check
History of inflammed vein in right calf: check
Gallbladder filled with stones: check
Signs that I'm not 18 anymore: check, check, and check!!

My liver and I need a drink now.